Billie Bob Harrell Jr. had been struggling with his life for quite some time.

For almost two decades, he had had trouble providing for his wife and his three children. Unable to find a stable and well-payed job, they kept moving from house to house, from country to country, desperately chasing the American Dream, desperately searching for safety and stability.

The crisis reached its peak at the beginning of the 1990s. After a successful decade at Gulf Printing inc., during which he worked his way up to shop manager, the company suddenly shut down at the beginning of the 1990s. Billie was forced to take a low-payed job at The Home Depot. The economic situation even forced his wife, Barbara Jean, into the workforce, which further aggravated Billie’s feeling of worth.

Since he had always been a very religious man ⁽¹⁾He met his wife during a Christmas party in church back in 1972. Source – houstonpress.com: Billie Bob’s (Mis) Fortune, he was desperately hoping for deus ex machina in form of a winning lottery ticket. According to his son Billie Bob III:

„He thought about it all the time. More than anything else, he fantasized about quitting his job.“

And amazingly enough, the God Allmighty decided to listen to his prayers ⁽²⁾I know this might ENRAGE religious readers, but I was under the impression that the Big Bearded Guy doesn’t always do so On June 28, 1997, a regular dance of the Lotto balls in front of the television cameras produced the numbers 3, 11, 16, 28, 40, 44. The same numbers Harrell circled on his lottery ticket earlier that day.

Although it took him a whole day to actually realize it, Harrell eventually found out he has won a 31 million jackpot. He immediately started solving his problems and fulfilling his dreams. He bought a wonderful ranch for his family to move to. He immediately took them to vacation to Hawaii. He was finally able to give back to the community – he bought cars and houses to his friends and his family. He gave 10% of his initial 1.2 million check to Calvary Tabernacle Pentecostal, the church in Trinity. For Christmas, he even purchased 480 turkeys for needy families. In an initial couple of months, it seemed like everything was falling into place.

Except that it wasn’t!

The life of the Harrell family altered beyond recognition. The number of people explaining their dire situations and seeking Billie’s paycheck was increasing on a daily basis. People pestered the family so often, they virtually became prisoners of their own home. Various hedge funds and financial companies gathered like vultures and relentlessly tried to get Billie to sell his future lottery installments for a lump sum of money. Although these deals were highly unfavorable for Harrells, Billie eventually gave in and signed on with the Stone Street Company for a quick stream of cash. ⁽³⁾Really surprising when you consider the nature and the ethics of financial companies

These drastic changes further aggravated already existing tensions between Billie and Barbara. The final nail in their marriage’s coffin came in the form of a young pharmacist who worked in a drug store where Billie got his blood pressure medicine. Very soon after the start of this affair, just a couple of months after the lottery win, Barbara filed for divorce.

The end of the marriage had a devastating effect on Billie’s mental state. He became moody and outright depressed. He desperately tried to reconcile with his ex-wife, but Barbara would have none of that. Finally, on May 22, 1998, less than a year after the life-changing event that made him rich, Billie borrowed the keys from his daughter, entered Barbara’s house and pulled the trigger on his Winchester 37 shotgun.

As it transpired later, shortly before his suicide, he told his financial adviser that:

„Winning the lottery is the worst thing that ever happened to me.“

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Now, Billie Bob Harrell Jr. is definitely not the only lottery winner whose life ended tragically. But it is no less shocking nevertheless. How is this huge discrepancy between his expectations beforehand and the sad reality afterward possible? How is it possible something he thought would make him incredibly happy ultimately made him deeply unhappy? Hell, how is it possible something EVERYONE thought would make him incredibly happy ultimately made him deeply unhappy? Well, there is only one explanation.

We don’t really know what happiness is.

MYTHS ABOUT HAPPINESS

Human happiness is one of the most researched topics in the history. Philosophers have been trying to figure out the answer to the question regarding what makes people happy for the last 2000 years or so. ⁽⁴⁾Which is, needless to say, a heck of a long time. So don’t get overly upset if you don’t get it on your first try Throughout the last century, scientists have decided to join their ranks and produced a number of scientific articles on the theme of happiness.  ⁽⁵⁾A number of them decided to dedicate their entire career to the scientific study of happiness. You might remember Ruut van Veenhoven from a previous article, for instance

Yet, despite everything we have learned, despite everything we know, it turns out that, just as Jon Snow, we still know nothing. Scientific studies have shown that we humans are terrible judges of what makes us happy. ⁽⁶⁾Wilson, T. D., & Gilbert, D. T. (2005). Affective forecasting knowing what to want. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 14(3), 131–134 It is hard to pinpoint a single factor that causes this error in judgment. However, part of the problem definitely lies in the common definition of happiness.

The common definition which propagates a number of happiness myths from one generation to another.

• Myth number 1 – We excel at predicting what will make us happy

Although the lottery winners are the most drastic example, and the money is only one variable in the happiness equation, to an extent, we repeat Billie’s mistakes on a daily basis.

The mistakes and the reasons behind them are the central concepts of a fantastic book Stumbling Onto Happiness, written by bestseller author and psychologist Dan Gilbert. ⁽⁷⁾One of the authors of the aforementioned study and another scientist who devoted his life to the scientific study of happiness

One of the most remarkable examples of the entire book is a study Gilbert conducted together with T.D. Wilson and J.Meyers in 2003. ⁽⁸⁾Wilson, T. D., Meyers, J., & Gilbert, D. T. (2003). “How happy was I, anyway?” A retrospective impact bias. Social Cognition, 21(6), 421–446 Before the 2000 presidential election, the psychologists asked the supporters of the two candidates (Bush and Gore) to predict how happy/unhappy they expect to be if their candidate won/lost.

Then, a month after the election, they asked the same people how happy/unhappy they feel about the outcome. Bush supporters reported feeling less happy then they expected, whereas Gore supporters reported feeling less unhappy then they expected.

But the real shocker and the key point of the study was discovered five months after the election. The psychologists asked the supporters how happy/unhappy they remember being. Bush supporters remembered they were happier a month after the election than they actually were, whereas Gore supporters remember being unhappier than they actually were.

Gilbert uses a number of similar examples to emphasize how much we humans suck when trying to predict things that make us happy, or how much certain things make us happy. ⁽⁹⁾For a general impression about Gilbert’s work and philosophy, you might want to watch his extremely popular TedTalk. For more information about Stumbling Onto Happiness, you might consider the review of the book on the website metapsychology, or the one on the website enotes In the book, Gilbert describes four main errors in judgment we most often commit while trying to measure/predict happiness:

• Subjectivity

Using the example of Lori and Reba, conjoined twins who refused a splitting operation, Gilbert explains how the perception of the happiness is highly subjective and why the immortal „The Children in India can’t be happy because they don’t know better“ is invalid precisely because of the children’s ignorance:

„What we can say is that all claims of happiness are claims from someone’s point of view – from the perspective of a single human being whose unique collection of past experiences serves as a context, a lens, a background for her evaluation of her current experience.“

• Realism

One of the central arguments of Gilbert’s book is that our imagination can’t be trusted. In the chapter about realism, he describes how, when imagining future, we fill in the blanks and unknowns with details we think to be accurate. Details constructed despite the serious lack of data. Details that often turn out to be wrong.

For instance, when imagining his future, Billie Bob Harrell imagined only the good sides, like being rich and being able to help others. His imagination either failed to consider or decided to misinterpret the downsides of being a lottery winner, which ultimately led to his doom.

• Presentism

Another drawback of our imagination is presentism – the tendency to remember the past or predict the future on the basis of the present. Billie Bob Harrell’s main concern in the 1990s were monetary issues. It is not surprising he thought everything would be solved if he were only able to lay his hands on a certain amount of cash.

Presentism is quite easy to detect in our own lives as well. For instance, if you have had a terrible day at the office during which your boss yelled at you and your friends invite you to the cinema, chances are you will not quite be in the mood for the movie. ⁽¹⁰⁾Every similarity with real-life persons and events is completely accidental Naturally, your prediction of the future will be greatly affected by your present mood and it will have nothing to do with the movie itself.  ⁽¹¹⁾Unless that movie is the new Spiderman in which Peter Parker is 15 years old… Seriously, Marvel, what the fuck?

• Rationalization

Finally, if we are bad at predicting the actual course of future events, we are even worse at predicting our feelings regarding these events. We think bad events will make us feel worse than they actually do. We fail to consider our tendency to adapt to the new circumstances.

On the other hand, we also think good events will make us feel much better than they actually do.  In the process, we overestimate the importance of our goals, our dreams and of the future events we anticipate will make us happy. Way too often we focus on accomplishing those goals and dreams. Which brings us to another common misconception about happiness.

• Myth number 2 – The Paradox of Happiness

In the era of capitalism and materialism, many people think happiness is something one should strive to achieve. The perception that happiness is attainable is ingrained deeply in our culture, in our belief system. The American Dream promotes the algorithmic approach to achieving happiness. Accomplish goal X – become happy. Start your own business – be happy. Become a millionaire – be happy.

Take of the modern marketing methods as an example. The idea that happiness can be achieved is the basis for the majority of ads nowadays. Buy X and be happy. Learn Y and be happy. Get Snickers and beee haaaaapy.  ⁽¹²⁾Mark Manson actually described this phenomenon excellently in his e-book about happiness and in the post How Your Insecurity Is Bought And Sold.  Btw, you didn’t really think I could write an article without mentioning my favourite blogger, did you? #Marknation

Now, it would be false to claim that pursuit of the happiness doesn’t bring any results whatsoever. For instance, during my education, I never learned for the sake of learning – getting a grade was the whole point.  I would lie if I claimed I didn’t feel happy whenever I scored an A on an exam. The problem was this happiness was usually very temporary and followed by an even longer period of even greater unhappiness.

And it would appear this psychological process isn’t restricted solely to the academic world. In his fantastic book High Price Of Materialism, psychologist Tim Kasser has written the following:

“When materialistic individuals are successful at meeting their goals (they get an A, they make a million dollars, etc.), they experience positive feelings about themselves and their accomplishments. Such positive feelings tend to be short-lived, however, and the sense of worth is fairly unstable, as new challenges and threats quickly arise that can easily deflate their self-esteem.[…] These results suggest that in their day-to-day experience, people with strong materialistic values focus on rewards rather than fun, interest, and challenge. This is notable in their work, relationships, and leisure activities. Such an attitude sabotages feelings of flow and intrinsic motivation, as people have fewer experiences conducive to the free expression of their own interests and thus less fulfillment of their needs for autonomy and authenticity.”.

The psychology professor at the University of Kansas, Ben Eggleston, has written something similar.   In one of his publications, he coined the term paradox of happiness and described it as:

„ […] the puzzling but apparently inescapable fact that regarding happiness as the sole ultimately valuable end or objective, and acting accordingly, often results in less happiness than results from regarding other goods as ultimately valuable (and acting accordingly)“

Finally, Viktor E. Frankl, a man who survived Auschwitz, had something to say about this topic as well. In his classic book, Man’s Search For Meaning: The classic tribute to hope from the Holocaust:

“But happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to “be happy.” Once the reason is found, however, one becomes happy automatically. As we see, a human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy[…]”

It would appear Frankl himself did find reasons to “be happy”. However, his path toward them was extremely difficult and definitely not easy. Which brings us to the following myth.

• MYTH NUMBER 3: HAPPINESS SHOULD BE EASY

In a study conducted by S. Parker and T. Roberts, ⁽¹³⁾Parker Schiffer, L & Roberts, Tomi-Ann. (2017). The paradox of happiness: Why are we not doing what we know makes us happy?. The Journal of Positive Psychology. 13. 1-8. 10.1080/17439760.2017.1279209 participants were asked to rate activities in three main categories: How enjoyable an activity is, How much effort does it take to initiate the activity and how often do they engage in these activities. A half of activities were considered as „active“ (e.g. cooking, journaling, exercise), while the other half was considered as „passive“ (e.g. checking social media, watching TV, surfing the Internet).

Although the participants were aware that „active“ activities supported long-term happiness better than „passive“ ones. However, the majority of participants reported indulging in passive activities way more often. Apparently, the effort required to initiate the activity proved to be an insurmountable obstacle. ⁽¹⁴⁾This might seem contradictory with an earlier claim that we can’t really predict what makes us happy. However, Gilbert’s research revolved more about events and less about our habits and activities. Besides, predicting whether playing video games or exercising will make us happier is not a difficult task.

As the authors of the study explained:

„Csikszentmihalyi has argued that passive leisure can be pleasing and healthy when people use it as a restorative homeostatic activity; using it strategically in order to refuel and recalibrate to then return refreshed to flow activities. However, when people engage in passive leisure exclusively, thinking that ‘relaxing’ is the key to happiness, they run the risk of becoming complacent. Stagnation and complacency are characterized by shying away from complexities and adversity; people become overly secure in routine, and assume success in all facets of life. In other words, passive leisure can provide pleasure to help maintain the body and give us a sense of feeling relaxed and restored, but alone it cannot facilitate growth or lasting happiness“

The results of the study scientifically prove something everyone knows on the subconscious level. As the old adage says: No pain, no gain. Running a marathon makes us happier than obliterating a Big Mac Menu. Yet, most of us prefer to visit the local McDonalds instead of the athletic track on a regular basis. ⁽¹⁵⁾Naturally, I have deliberately chosen two extremes to make a point here. The difference in effort between activities is usually not so pronounced

Apart from the fact we are all lazy motherfuckers, ⁽¹⁶⁾Okay, I admit, this guy called Elon might be an exception another reason why people often choose the easy path is tightly connected with pleasure. More often than not, pleasure is not really difficult to achieve. And waaaaay too many people believe pleasure is the factor X that is going to make them happy.

Which leads us to the final myth about happiness.

• Myth Number 4: PLEASURE LEADS TO HAPPINESS

If you ask an average person how he defines happiness, there are big chances he will answer with the something from the domain of pleasure. Bigger house, more money, new car, traveling around the world, more sex, more money, more likes on the Facebook page, more Instagram followers, Pina Colada per day, oh and have I mentioned more money?

Although seeking a little more pleasure seems harmless, excessive pursuit of pleasure might lead to a disaster. Almost every sort of addiction happens because a person can’t control his or her need for an additional pleasure. Also, as I have elaborated earlier, I think a great deal of Croatia’s problems is caused exactly due to the value system that puts pleasure on the pedestal.

Now, please, don’t get me wrong. Little pleasure is great. Little pleasure is enjoyable. Little pleasure is necessary. But as the aforementioned study pointed out, as a number of studies mentioned in Tim Kasser’s High Price of the Materialism have pointed out, as a number of articles all over the Internet repeatedly point out ⁽¹⁷⁾Just google „Happiness is not pleasure”, pleasure is not the same as happiness.

Pleasure is only a small part of it. Which brings me to what actually happiness is.

SO, WHAT DOES MAKE US HAPPY?

Before I get to THE actual definition of the happiness, I would like to mention another one of Gilbert’s discoveries I haven’t mentioned so far. You see, Gilbert’s research demonstrated that after a major life event, your happiness returns to a certain level, the very same level before the event actually happened. No matter whether your spouse dies, your favorite football team wins the Champion League or you lose your job, at a distant point in the future you will feel the very same amount of happiness – your baseline value will NOT be affected. Dilbert called this resilience to either good or bad events psychological immune system.

And I know you must be thinking, what does all that mean, Vjeko? Is this some sort of nihilistic hullabaloo? Do you want to say there is no point in experiencing anything? That major life events bear no significance? That there is no real way of becoming a happier person?

Well, not really. Although studies ⁽¹⁸⁾Lu, L. (1999). Personal or environmental causes of happiness: A longitudinal analysis. The Journal of Social Psychology, 139(1), 79–90 have shown that external occurrences have zero effect on baseline happiness, they have also demonstrated baseline happiness varies from individual to individual. ⁽¹⁹⁾So fuck off and attend your wife’s mother birthday you have been avoiding, you inconsiderate prick! As Mark Manson explained:

“Not only does everyone have a different baseline level of happiness, but people are also able to slowly inch their baseline happiness up or down over time depending on how they live their lives.

That is the ticket to happiness — not a new car, not a fancier job, not a more attractive partner — but a permanent shift in the baseline happiness you continually return to despite whatever external factors occur in your life.”

With that in mind, let us finally get to the long-awaited definition of happiness. Ever since I started reading self-help and psychology literature, I’ve read a dozen of different definitions of happiness. Just on this blog, I have mentioned that the happiness equals solving problems and that the happiness is the process of becoming an ideal self. Listing all the other definitions of happiness I have stumbled upon over the years would be A) really an arduous task and B) completely incomprehensible.

However, one particular definition I first read in Eric Barker’s Barking Up The Wrong Tree and which originally appeared in the book Just Enough written by Laura Nash and Howard Stevenson, stood head and shoulders above the other. They divided happiness into four categories: ⁽²⁰⁾To be completely honest, the authors’ originally defined success in this manner. However, I think this division was an excellent definition of happiness instead. I have taken some liberty and slightly altered their definition to fit the purposes of this article. I know, I know. Sue me!

• Pleasure – Having feelings of pleasure and contentment in your life OR enjoying yourself
• Achievement – Achieving accomplishments that compare favorably against similar goals others have strived for OR winning
• Significance – Having a positive impact on people you care about OR counting (to others)
• Legacy – Establishing your values or accomplishments  OR extending

The main reason why I have become an advocate of the definition above is its balance. Using these values to measure our life essentially covers every possible area of human life and every possible aspect of happiness often mentioned in other definitions. I especially like the fact significance and legacy are included. They are often overlooked by a number of authors, yet those who DO mention them always emphasize their importance. ⁽²¹⁾For instance, Mark Manson recommends us to Cultivate a perspective beyond ourselves as a way of increasing our baseline happiness. Something similar is the central theme of the book Denial of Death by Ernst Becker, in which the author claims the goal of our actions is to establish a legacy as a way of transcending death

However, despite its universality, this system doesn’t throw some general terms, like meaning in front of our feet. It is very easy to measure how well you are doing in each of the four categories. If you are lacking in a certain area, it is easy to identify it and to try to improve it, which ultimately leads to an increase in your baseline happiness level.

I can definitely say this system helped me a lot in my battle against the quarter-life crisis. Some year and a half ago, when I was just starting my chess blog, I worked night and day, and completely disregarded my friends and.. myself. Everything revolved mainly around achievement and partly around legacy,  but the pleasure, and especially, significance parts, were completely missing. I didn’t go out much, I didn’t watch the television, I avoided hanging out with people under the I-have-much-to-do pretense. As a result, my baseline happiness was extremely low for an extended period of time.

After a while, I realized I need to change something in my approach to life. First of all, I permitted myself to relax more often and to stop kicking myself in the butt if new blog posts don’t appear on the daily basis. I have tried focusing more on people around me and, although there is still a long way to go, I feel much more content in the significance category. I also decided to open popsychle and realized it was a major step forward in the legacy category in contrast to the existing chess blog. Finally, although it is yet unknown how much these blogs are going to achieve one day, the very fact I am working on them makes me feel like a winner.

In any case, there is no denying that my baseline level of happiness is significantly higher than it used to be one year ago. ⁽²²⁾Naturally, there is a number of other factors that contributed to this that weren’t quite mentioned here. For instance, factors like therapy or learning how to apply boundaries, that probably deserve a separate article

Now, if you will excuse me, I have an article I predict will make me extremely happy to post.

REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING

Daniel Gilbert: Stumbling Onto Happiness

Mark Manson: Happiness Is Not Enough

Jennifer Hecht: The Happiness Myth

Psychology Today: 7 Myths About Happiness We Need To Stop Believing

Mark Manson: Guide To Happiness

M.L. Kirngelbach, K.C. Berridge, The Neuroscience of Happiness and Pleasure, Soc Res (New York), 2010 Summer, 77(2):659-678

Mark Manson: Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck

Tim Kasser: The High Price Of Materialism

Eric Barker: Barking Up The Wrong Tree