How To Battle Depression

Depression, and mental illnesses, in general, have become a major problem in today’s society.

Depression is an extremely complex illness. Its exact causes are not yet known, but there is a number of factors that might contribute to its development. For instance, one article mentions abuse, trauma, genetics, major life events (even good ones), personal problems, serious illness and substance abuse as the possible causes. This complexity is one of its main problems – when people don’t understand something, they often tend to ignore or neglect it.

Yet, according to the WHO (World Health Organization), depression will become the second biggest health issue by the end of 2020. It is estimated that 300 million people all around the globe suffer from some sort of depression. ⁽¹⁾Source: http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs369/en/ In the United States of America, major depressive disorders affect approximately 14,8 million adults older than 18 – which is almost 7 % of the population. ⁽²⁾Source: https://www.healthyplace.com/depression/depression-information/depression-facts-depression-statistics/

And although the rest of the world likes to look at the USA with condescendence, depression is not something unique correlated with living on the American soil. For instance, according to the Varaždin Public Health Institute, 19% of women and 10% of men in Croatia suffer from depression. ⁽³⁾According to this article: http://www.varazdinske-vijesti.hr/aktualno/uoci-svjetskog-dana-zdravlja-depresija-je-sve-ucestalija-i-treba-ju-destigmatizirati-15194/

According to the statistics, the number of people suffering from depression is increasing on a daily basis. The good question arises – why is that so? Why is this number so much greater than some 50-70 years ago?

Naturally, there is a number of factors causing this phenomenon. Let me mention a couple of sociological ones I have considered particularly interesting or relevant:

• Cultural influence

Quite simply, considering that even today ‘coming out of the closet’ is extremely stigmatized, you can imagine how it looked in the past. Some 50-70 years ago, people simply didn’t talk about the depression. People didn’t want to admit to themselves they had a depression. People weren’t able to find professional help so easily – the whole field of psychology is relatively young, to say nothing of psychotherapy.

• Fast paced world and chasing poorly defined success

I have already written extensively about how the world around us affects us and how badly success is measured in our society. Psychologist Tim Kasser, author of the book The High Price of Materialism and one of the co-authors of the celebrated book Psychology and Consumer Culture has shown that chasing goals such as money, fame and image are correlated with anxiety and depression.

• Disconnection from the people around you

Let’s be frank – due to technological advances, we spend more and more time bleeding our eyes to death in front of our screens instead of spending time with people. Our communities and ties are weaker, our friendships are fading with years and more and more people feel lost and alone. Even when we do spend time with people, there is this thing in our pocket constantly bugging us, reminding us to watch the latest funny video or to check the latest snapchat story to see who our crush is ‘spending time’ with. ⁽⁴⁾Actually, one article blames smartphones as one of the main causes for the increasingly depressed number of teens. Check these two pscyhologytoday articles for more details: Why so many todays teens are depressed and Why so many people are stressed and depressed

Now, why am I writing all this? Because only a couple of months after starting popsychle.com, Antonio, a friend of mine, asked me if I accept guest posts.  Considering he was the first person to ask me that question, I was slightly taken aback. But I was happy to know I motivated someone to write about something that is important to him, so why not, I thought.

Antonio then proceeded to tell me he wants to write an article about depression and whether I think it would be suitable for popsychle. Considering making people who read this blog feel miserable is one of its main aims, I told him it is a perfect match. Since I knew he volunteers a lot, I thought he has met a number of depressive persons and that he wants to offer his two percents on this subject.

What followed shocked me, to be honest – Antonio wanted to write an article about his own battle with depression. The worst point was – I had no idea. Although I haven’t known him for all that long, I would have thought he was the last person on the planet to experience this problem. It really struck me how easy it is to get fooled, how little real attention we pay to other people.

It also made me realize how brave Antonio’s request actually is. How difficult it is to write openly about such a problem – there is so much stigma and shame revolving depression and mental health in general, that it is always considered as ‘weird’ to even talk about it. But it also made me all fuzzy and warm on the inside – my writing has inspired someone on such a tremendous act.

Thus, after lengthy editing process and a number of back and forth iterations between Antonio and me, this article finally saw the light of the day. I can say I am quite proud of the final result. I don’t think the article is necessarily earth-shattering. But it does offer a unique perspective in the mind of a depressed person. Hopefully, people who suffer from something similar will be able to relate to it and ease their situation by realizing they are not alone out there in this cruel world.

So without further ado, I give it to Antonio.

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My name is Antonio and I am depressed.

To begin with, I want to address the question that many people often ask: Is depression a real thing? Isn’t it all just in your head? I want to say it once and for all: a) NO, IT’S NOT! and b) FUCK YOU!. Depression is not all in our head. Depression is a real thing, a serious concern in today’s society. It is a crippling illness that gets a person to the state that he/she feels unloved and alone.

Yet, despite the scientifical evidence, despite the statistics, many people still believe that depression is something you consciously decide you have. That being depressed is a matter of choice. More importantly, few people think depression is something serious. Most elderly people often think it is some adolescent invention.  That it all comes down to looking out the window and listening to sad music.

What, feeling a little down, are we? Cheer the fuck up, you wuss!

It’s a very dangerous misconception. You don’t choose to be depressed, depression chooses you! Trust me, if I could choose, I would definitely choose not to have anything to do with it. Like, ever.

Alas, fate decreed otherwise.

You see, when I was 19, I have been officially diagnosed as depressed. To be honest, I can’t really pinpoint the exact moment when I realized I have it. I started feeling the symptoms when I was 16. I don’t know why I suffer from it, either. Depression in my life just appeared one day and started snowballing ever since. And this snowballing, this gradualness is one of the main problems. It’s not like you wake up one day and say: Oh fuck it, I feel very down today.

Nothing of a sort.

Depression is coming for you quietly. You start to struggle with small things, like going for a walk, but you ignore this alarm, by saying to yourself: „Oh, I am just tired, that is all.“. You give an explanation for this behaviour, you say to yourself: It’s just a temporary thing.  I will be back to the normal state in no time. It was only a bad day. Alas, little by little, day by day, the depression gets stronger and the hole you find yourself in starts getting bigger and bigger.

You stay in this state for a longer time. You accept that as a normal fact and put the mask on yourself. The mask that says to other people „I am fine, I am happy.“. You continue to live with other people with that mask on because that is what you have to do. After all, humans are social creatures. This mask works for some time, but every day it gets harder.

If you are lucky.

You feel like you will never be happy. The terms „satisfaction“ and „happiness“ seem like an unknown thing. The things that brought you happiness and joy in the past, suddenly become worthless. Even the most trivial and elementary duties and tasks become very painful and difficult. You start to feel heaviness all over your body. Every step you make seems like the most difficult task ever. You start to blame yourself and feel ashamed for everything that you have done and everything you haven’t done.

That is the moment when you lose your motivation. You ask yourself: Why would I try to do something properly if it won’t make me happy anyway? If nothing makes me happy, what’s the point? Weeks and months go past, and your life seems like an infinite loop of pain and sadness.

There is a small part of you that wants to make things right. But that part lives about few hours. You want to go out and make new friendships and relationships, and this „positive energy“ lasts very shortly until it completely runs out.

You start to struggle in everyday situations, like talking with your friends. You start to think: „Do I really need people around me?“ It seems like every interaction with other people ends up as a failure. You are already so ashamed of yourself that another failure is not an option, so you start to avoid any interaction. In the end, you choose to live within your „comfort zone“, where nobody asks (stupid) questions.

Eventually, you start pushing people away. You start breaking your relationships and friendships.  And considering that the people around you are the best way out, you find yourself in some sort of vicious circle – the more depressed you are, the more you push people away. In the end, you start ignoring your family and friends altogether.

Family and friends that are still here for you.

You realize you can’t live much longer this way. You basically have two options. The first option is trying to deal with it, which is probably impossible without seeking professional help. The second option is choosing the easy way out. Choosing to end it here and there.

Choosing to take your own life. ⁽⁵⁾I might sound like a melodramatic emo teen, but this is the reality.  According to a Mayo Clinic study, about 65% of people diagnosed with depression have suicidal thoughts. Around 6% of them attempt suicide

As the more perceptive of you might have noticed, considering I am writing this, I haven’t yet committed suicide. After a lengthy and prolonged battle, I managed to gain some ground. The periods of depression still exist, but they are less frequent and less intensive than ever before.

How have I managed to get better? How have I dealt with all my issues? There are three major factors that contributed:

• Antidepressants

Antidepressants were the key part in the early stage of my battle. The aim of antidepressants is to prevent depression from returning and to relieve its symptoms.

There is a lot of stigma revolving around people taking medications. Just think of it, if someone approached you and told you he just bought some Prozac, how would you react? You’d probably assume there is something wrong with him. You’d probably back off a bit. You’d probably think you are dealing with a madman.

This judgement is not only typical of the ‘outsiders’. Even people who experience depression often refuse to take their medication. They think acceptance of the medications means they have officially lost their mind. ⁽⁶⁾You might remember Elliot Rodger from the previous article who went through something similar  – Vjekoslav Nemec. They doubt that antidepressants can actually help them.

Unfortunately, some of them are right. As with other medical treatments, this kind of medications may work for some people and have absolutely no effect on others. Moreover, some therapists are keen on prescribing them as a magic solution. What these ‘professional pill prescribers’ fail to recognize is that, in most cases, antidepressants are most effective only when combined with some sort of therapy. In his book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, cognitive therapist David Burns writes:

 “Drugs are the most common treatment for depression in the United States, and there is a widespread belief, popularized by the media, that drugs are the most effective treatment. However, this opinion is not consistent with the result of many carefully conducted outcome studies during the past twenty years. These studies show that the newer forms of psychotherapy, especially cognitive therapy, can be at least as effective as drugs, and for many patients appear to be more effective.“

Moreover, it is well known that antidepressants can have some very negative side effects. When I started taking them, I became a victim as well – and it was very unpleasant. I suffered from severe headaches, dizziness and serious sleep deprivation.

However, most of the side effects appear in the first few weeks of treatment and later they disappear. Despite them, antidepressants helped me a lot. My “depression episodes” became shorter and less frequent. I feel like they were the key factor in my battle against symptoms of depression, such as feeling empty, exhausted and extremely sad.

It is important to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of antidepressants with your doctor. But in the end, it is up to you to decide.

• Therapy

Arguably even more important factor in my battle were sessions with psychiatrists.

Understanding my feelings and raising my self-awareness was arguably the most important benefit of going to therapy. In conversations with my psychiatrist, we managed to find the mechanisms which can help manage my problems and feelings more successfully. He was able to see things from a different perspective and managed to put “that positive perspective” inside my head, as well.

It’s not all shiny of course. Throughout the therapy, you experience numerous difficulties. ⁽⁷⁾One could even argue therapy is not efficient if it doesn’t ‘hurt’ The main obstacle to overcome is that there is a chance that your closest friends and family will not really ‘get the point’ or understand why you ‘have to go to the therapy’. Similarly like with antidepressives, going to therapy is shrouded with stigma and judging. People that go to the psychiatrist are often labelled insane.

Also, there will be times when even you won’t ‘get the point’. A major issue that often appears during the course of therapy is the feeling of being stuck. Of not making any progress. But in the end, after numerous sessions, I saw the light at the end of a very, very long and dark tunnel. It’s like I got a new chance in this world.

After losing many battles, I finally got the chance to win the war.

• Other people

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Although the professional help was definitely helpful and required, in the end, the most important role was played by those closest to me. Family and close friends who were there when I needed them the most. In the last several years, I made a number of strong friendships that helped me overcome the depression and its episodes ⁽⁸⁾If you guys are reading this, thank you once again, you are the best!

If you have depression, I wish that you will find the needed comfort in the fact that, no matter what you think, you are not alone. You are not the only one in the world with similar problems. There are people around you that care about you and love you the way you are. Even though you are often ashamed of what you are and therefore feel abandoned, trust me, you are never really alone.

When you are surrounded by friends and family who understand what is going on, who look you in the eye without judging you, depression episodes can be solved ever so easier. There were numerous instances when I had panic attacks, and people willing to talk with me until everything was resolved were simply there. Often, this conversations would last until the early morning hours (5-6 AM). These people often had obligations the very next day. These people often had something to worry about themselves. These people often had their own life to live.

But they were there.

And that’s what mattered the most. Being there. Because if you don’t suffer from depression, it’s pretty logical that you will not understand the pain that they are going through. Nobody expects that from you anyway. Just being there for that person is a perfect help!

Often, the depressed person doesn’t know what he/she needs, but they need someone in the same room who will not judge them and who will be there for them. They need someone who won’t mind if a person screams or cries, someone will help them to survive the tough times.

Because in the end, that is precisely what depression is all about.

Surviving.