DEAR VJEKO

This is you from 7 years in the future. I know it’s weird. But no, time travel is still a huge terra incognita. No, I can’t explain how this works…No.. IT DOESN’T MATTER. Look, I’ve got things to say that might be important. Would you shut up and listen for once?

What you are about to hear will not be pleasant. But you are able to weather it. And it is necessary you hear it. Because there are things you should know. Things I wish I knew when I was your age. ⁽¹⁾Yes, I know I WAS your age – this time travel back-and-forth shit is kinda confusing. But you know what I meant.

First of all, I know you are in a lot of pain. I know it broke your heart. I know you are devastated. I know you are burning with anger and jealousy. There is nothing wrong with it. It is understandable you feel that way after seeing your crush making out with your friend in the middle of a nightclub.

Displaying negative emotions is normal – you are not a robot, for Christ sake. As long as you aren’t acting on them, harming other people (or yourself), you are good to go. Grieving periods are a part of growing up. Of being a human being. ⁽²⁾Yes, I made myself happy with this, you intolerable kid

It is also important to identify the object toward which the emotions are pointed. With blunt honesty – you can only be angry with yourself. Your crush had every right to make out with your friend instead of with you. No, it didn’t have anything to do with your physical looks, although the glasses, the haircut and clothes your mother bought you weren‘t quite helpful.

It had a lot more to do with your behavior. Never once in these two years did you express your interest. Not once did you take the move. You tried to extort the confession out of her mouth. Things don’t work that way. Sometimes you have to risk hearing an answer you don’t want to hear.

So, don’t be an idiot – learn something from this experience. Or the same thing will happen four years later with much more dramatic consequences. But that time you will be much more in love. The pain will be much worse. And you will be unable to control your actions. You will behave like a person you don’t want to be.

I am writing you this letter from the roof of the hostel in Heraklion. You might be wondering what on Earth I am doing in Greece. Sometimes, I am wondering, as well. But in a couple of days, I am participating in a chess tournament.

It is important to emphasize you went there alone. I know it sounds scary and strange. Many people will tell you it is weird. Many people will think you are a loser. But as the Beatles would say – Let it be. It was about time you stopped caring about what other people think. It was about you listened to Mark Manson and stopped giving a fuck. ((Yes, I know you are not familiar with this Mark guy. But 7 years from now you will be quoting him to death to everyone willing to listen. So I don’t want to spoil the surprise).

Besides, it is not all that bad. Nor is it the first time you are doing a solo trip. A solo trip that will be beneficial. Because these journeys force you out of your comfort zone. They force you to socialize and meet new people. And in the process, you learn a lot about yourself.

You will realize that you are capable of socializing with people you don’t know. You went to grab a beer with three Americans and Taiwanese in Bruxelles two years ago. As I like to joke, I am now an introvert that learnt how to behave like an extrovert. You don’t believe it? Dude, I spent the whole day with a Vietnamese guy I picked up at the hostel.

The reason you are unable to socialize at this very moment is your perception of yourself. You believe you are not able to conversate with people – and this belief becomes a reality. Like during your college days you will convince yourself people think chess players are nerds. And people will perceive you as such.

Since I have mentioned college – you are currently in a difficult and an important crossroad in life. You are about to make a dubious decision. A decision that will have a dramatic effect on your future.

You are about to start your engineering study. But deep down inside you know you chose engineering out of all the wrong reasons. Because it was the ‘right thing to do’. Because people thought engineering is potent. Because people thought engineering leads to a promising career. But what have we said about the opinion of others?

You know you want to study history. I know you are afraid to do it because you think you can only become a teacher with it. But fear is a pretty silly reason not to pursue your passion and do the things you love.

Many years later you will be afraid to go out in front of an audience and do your stand up comedy routine. You will be afraid of opening two blogs and sharing your scribblings with the broad public. You will still be afraid to speak with new people. But bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is choosing to act despite the fear.

Besides, what if I told you I am seriously considering a career switch – to teaching. Kinda ironic, isn’t it?

So, please keep insisting on doing what you love. If at any moment you aren’t sure what it is, dig in your past. You learned to play chess as a kid. Chess is now a huge part of your life.

You stopped playing table tennis because your results suffered. You are now a synonym for table tennis training in those circles.

Do you remember how much you loved to write essays as young? Formal education killed this affection, but you are about to rediscover it. The whole point of career switch would be to create more time for writing. You love writing – you are currently running and maintaining two independent blogs. Who would have thought? Pretty astonishing, huh?

Anyway, this is getting kinda long. A couple of quick tips before I go.

Always, ALWAYS, make time for friends. You have a tendency to become unavailable. Don’t do this mistake with people who DO matter.

Many people DON’T matter. Adopt no regret policy here and cross them out.  Do what’s best for yourself!

Remember to tell the parents how much they mean to you. Yes I know they made their share of mistakes. But stop blaming them – it leads nowhere. Take responsibility for yourself and start accepting them. You’ve been taking them for granted for way too long. One day they will be gone. And you will miss all the ‘Love you’s’ you haven’t said.

Start treating girls more like humans and less like fleshes of meat. You are actually solid on this one, but sometimes you forget it – being empathetic and vulnerable is not anti-macho. I know you have read many pick-up books that claim otherwise, but listen to me on this one. Burn those books, while we are at it. You are not happy with quick hookups anyway. 

Buy some Bitcoin. No don’t ask me what it is – I don’t understand it completely. But don’t worry – nobody does. Go and buy it. What are you waiting for? You are already late! You should have bought it 5 minutes ago! Yesterday!

Promise me you will never grow up. There is nothing worse than people who take themselves seriously. You aren’t living the in the 1940s anymore. I beg you to keep writing those punny jokes.

Finally – never stop believing in yourself. You are full of flaws. So is everybody around you. But you are also a wonderful human being. More wonderful than anybody around you thinks.

More wonderful than even you think.

With best regards

Your friend

Vjeko