An Open Letter to Croatia

Dear Croatia,

In just a couple of years, you will be celebrating your 30th birthday. I often get struck by how fast time flies. It seems like just yesterday you were just a little girl playing with guns and tanks and look at you now. All grown up and fully independent.

Sort of.

Anyway, although you have been a woman of your own for quite some time now, I am worried. Worried because you haven’t become fully mature. Worried because you are constantly making some dubious decisions. Dubious decisions that might have dire consequences for your future.

This is the main reason I am writing you this letter. I know it might sound condescending. I know you might say it is none of my business. But, considering we have been living together for the last quarter of the century, it is. Don’t get me wrong, I would be the happiest man on Earth if this were a congratulatory letter. If I were able to take look at your life and say: “Well done! This girl is going places.”

But I am not. Because it is quite obvious you are, just like many millennials out there, experiencing a serious crisis. And I am not talking just about the demographic crisis and the projections according to which the population of the country might be halved up to 2050s. ⁽¹⁾Or the fact that 170 000 people left the country over the last couple of years Not even the economic crisis and the fact 200 000 people or 10% are unemployed.

No, I am talking about deeply rooted cultural and individual crisis.

Before describing what ‘cultural and individual crisis’ might mean, allow me to introduce you to Ruut Veenhoven. Veenhoven is a doctor of Social Sciences and professor at the University of Rotterdam. He is one of the pioneers and the world-leading authority on the scientific study of happiness. He runs and maintains the World Database of Happiness, in which he ranked 155 countries according to how happy their inhabitants were. According to his research, former socialist countries in Southern Europe, such as Montenegro, Albania or Moldova are the unhappiest places in the whole of Europe, averaging between 4.4 and 5.3 on a 1-10 happiness scale.

Naturally, it is hard to pinpoint one exact cause of such a state of affairs. Veenhoven’s research has demonstrated zillion factors contribute to the overall feeling of happiness, from the economic circumstances, overall health condition, life expectancy, etc. However, I would like to point one factor that is not immediately obvious. As Eric Barker explains in his book Barking Up The Wrong Tree on the concrete example of Moldova, one of the main reason for the lack of happiness in the country is- trust. ⁽²⁾According to this survey, Moldova is the unhappiest country on Earth

Or more precise, lack of any.

Moldova is one of the most corrupt countries out there. It is one of those rare countries where former Prime Minister Vladimir Filat together with his sidekick banker Ilan Shor ended up in jail. But it is not only about the political elite. Corruption has become an integral part of everyday life. For instance, Moldovans refuse to visit the doctor if he is younger than 35 out of fear he purchased his medical school degree.

The corruption in Moldova didn’t just appear out of thin air. It’s not like Moldovan’s just woke up one day and decided, oh, fuck it, I am going to play against the rules today. Unlike the ancient egg/chicken debate, it is much more clear whether lack of trust or humans appeared first.

We did.

You see, most of us have heard the ancient mantra that Nice Guys always finish last. ⁽³⁾Here I am talking about genuine Nice Guys, not the ‘Nice Guys’ stereotype described in a previous post That sometimes there is no other way but to avoid the rules. That sometimes, there is nothing wrong with screwing other people because that’s how business environment works.

And to an extent, this is quite understandable. We all know at least one asshole whose assertiveness and boldness kinda paid off. Whose attitude took him places. The sad truth is that going against the rules pays off in the short run.

But, what Moldovans failed to realize, what we all fail to realize, is that such a behaviour ultimately makes everyone worse in the long run. Once this pattern starts spreading, it propagates like a disease until it becomes a new norm. When people see someone succeeding despite being a complete prick, they will be very much inclined to try and do the same. Why, wouldn’t they? It obviously works and if they don’t try this path, someone else will. As an old adage goes, there are three categories of moral: good, bad and ‘everybody does it’.

The result is the culture full of distrust and negativity. Gradually, people stop trying and caring at all. The general state of mind of Moldovans can be described with three simple words: “Not my problem”. In the end, even though individuals seemingly go forwards, the whole society goes backwards. And being first in a shitty society is, well, worse than not being first in an awesome society. As Veenhoven himself put it:

” The quality of a society is more important than your place in that society”

Or, as the old politically incorrect joke states: Even if you win the Special Olympics, you are still retarded.

Think of it as of cheating on the test. Every class in the world has at least one smartass capable of outwitting the teacher and cheating without getting caught. Sooner or later, other students will begin to notice and feel foolish because they are, like, studying. Gradually, everyone in the class will start pursuing the easy way, especially if there aren’t any consequences. The result is a class full of cheaters where no one really benefits. Sure, you might get a good grade, but at the end of the day, you have learnt nothing.

Now, you might be wondering why am I mentioning all of this? Because, my dear Croatia, I think you are quite rapidly following the very same path. The resemblance between you and Moldova is striking. The same nurturing of the don’t-trust-anyone-and-let’s-screw-people culture is present inside your borders as well. Going against the rules has become so common, that people have simply given up on doing something against it. People have lost their faith.

People have lost their faith in the institutions. People have lost their faith in the bureaucracy. People have lost their faith in the system as a whole. But most tragically, people have lost faith in each other as well.

The company I am working for is a perfect example. It is divided into two divisions. Throughout the history, a combination of market conditions, unfavourable political circumstances and unethical management decisions has led to the gradual deterioration of the company well-being. And with it the very interpersonal relationships in the company. As a result, two divisions are constantly gossiping each other and shoving their noses into each other’s business. Lack of trust toward leadership and management turned into lack of trust toward the coworkers.

The saddest part is that my company is not the only one. You hear similar stories in other companies from very different branches. Doctors in hospitals, lawyers in the court, economists in banks, pharmacists in pharmacy stores all operate under very similar principles. There are exceptions that prove the rule, of course, but in general, the overall climate of suspiciousness and untrustworthiness prevails.

And at the end of the day, you ask yourself what is it all about? What is the point of everything? So that some douchebag at the top can earn more money than he can spend in his entire lifetime?

While we are at money, ⁽⁴⁾I know, I know, what a transition. They don’t call me Mr. Smooth for anything I think that part of problem is that, in Croatia, we have started pursuing some sort of twisted American dream, where we use the holy trinity of metrics – money, sex and power – to measure our lives. We measure someone’s worth on the number of zeroes on his/her paycheck. We measure someone’s worth on the number of women he has slept with. ⁽⁵⁾This is obviously primarily a male perspective, but both genders are guilty of this, sorry ladies We measure someone’s worth on the amount of power he holds.

The main problem of this ‘dick measuring contest’ is that by participating in it, we lose sight of things that somehow should matter. I think our complete system of values is way off the charts. Kindness, empathy and tolerance are being completely disregarded, unvalued and ignored. Helping other people has become a forgotten sport.

You might think this doesn’t apply to you, but when was the last time you admired someone purely because of his golden heart? When was the last time you read an inspiring story about someone really good in the newspaper and not forgotten it by the time you got to the sports results section? When was the last time you have said a simple and sincere: Well done mate, I am so proud of you? When was the last time you spent two hours volunteering and helping homeless people instead of grabbing a couple of beers at your local cafe bar with the guys and molesting the hot waitress just because she has big tits?

I thought so.

People in high positions are a perfect illustration of everything that’s wrong in our culture. Within your borders, my dear Croatia, most people in power are the prototype of a narcissistic asshole. And it shouldn’t be that surprising, though. There has been scientific evidence that suggests there is a high correlation between rising to power and being a prick. In the afore-mentioned book, Barking Up The Wrong Tree, ⁽⁶⁾If you haven’t figured it out already, yes, I am very very fond of it. It is one of the books that changed my life, after all Eric Barker has written the following on the correlation between power and kindness:

“The power that comes with confidence has another big negative that presents a roadblock on the highway to sucess: it can turn you into a jerk. Across a staggering number of studies, feelings of power have very negative effects on a person’s character. Power reduces empathy makes us hypocritical, and causes us to dehumanize others […] Studies show feelings of power cause us to be more selfish and more likely to commit infidelity. And we don’t just lie more; that powera also makes up BETTER liars […] Study aptly titled “Power, Competitiveness and Advice Taking: Why the Powerful Don’t Listen” showed that just making someone feel powerful was enough to make them ignore advice from not only novices but also experts in a field”

Yet, despite being subconsciously aware of all that, we pursue the very same goals the people in power did. Despite criticizing them on a regular basis, despite being outraged with their actions and with their path to the top, we consider them successful. We admire them. We want to be like them. Given the opportunity to do it against the rules most of us would do the same.

Another aspect of the problem arises when we don’t achieve the same. When we don’t become like them. When we don’t become successful. Instead of focusing on ourselves, instead of revising our goals, instead of recalibrating our measures of success, we once again focus on others. It all leads to the notoriously famous Croatian envy.

For example, very recently my friend and chess colleague Antonio Radić hit 100 000 subscribers on his youtube channel agadmator youtube. A local newspaper has written an article about his success and it spread all over the social media. The very tone of the article speaks for itself; it focused exclusively on the monetary side of the story, completely disregarding the promotion of chess, the opportunities Internet offers, the fact he managed to become independent by doing the thing he loves and other lessons one can draw from such an inspiring case.

But the comment section below those articles was even worse than the superficial journalists and their editors. I know that an average social media comment section is usually cancer, but Croatians manage to go to an extreme. Among other things, they suggested that ‘All Youtubers are idiots’, ‘Antonio is just a deadbeat doing nothing and wasting his days’, ‘I hope they tax him to death’, etc.

In any case, comments such as this are the main reason why I described the crisis as ‘cultural and individual’ earlier. My dear Croatia, there is no denying your culture is going through a serious crisis. But your culture is made out of individuals. Individuals who try to bring people like Antonio to their own level, instead of trying to raise themselves to HIS level. ⁽⁷⁾As we have mentioned earlier, the level of society is more important than the level of an individual Individuals who say they don’t care whether they are doing better or worse as long as the opposing political option is not governing. Individuals who see two girls fighting to the death and take their mobile phones to film them instead of separating them because they fear to be different than the rest. ⁽⁸⁾I know, I know, they are ‘only’ in high school. But that doesn’t make it less horrifying. What are the parents doing?

Therefore, my dear Croatia, I want to make a plea. A plea for the better tomorrow. There is no easy solution to this crisis. In order to resolve it, we need a revolution. But not the typical, violent revolution, involving guns and guillotine, especially dangerous for everyone named Louis. I am talking about much more difficult one. About a revolution happening in every single one of us. A revolution in the way we perceive the world and people around us. A revolution in our minds.

I firmly believe we must change the way we think. We must take a deep introspection and try to understand what really makes us happy. Are the external measures of success really worth it, or is there more to it? We must stop tolerating unethical behaviour just because, well, it happens. We must stop focusing on others in such a negative fashion. Stop constantly bringing them down only because that makes us feel better. We must start showing some appreciation, some good will. We must stop judging other people and try to help them instead. We really must stop living in accordance with the ‘There are two types of luck, my luck and misery of others’ principle.

We must not end up like Moldova.

With best regards

Your friend

Vjekoslav

P.S. I know your last relationship was very intense, but almost 23 years have passed since it ended. It is about time you stopped talking about it. Get the fuck over it.